Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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