Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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