my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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