Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
