So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
