tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
