i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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