Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
