Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
