he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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