She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
