First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A+ Viking dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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