dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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