she was so not down for the gang bang
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
