I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
