this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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