I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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