some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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