i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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