So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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