everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
