I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
