so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know her cup size but not her name....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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