I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
