I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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