So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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