what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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