Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
