I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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