Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
