Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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