why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
