well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
