I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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