where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
