Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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