he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
