They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
