I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
