So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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