I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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