im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
