I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
