If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
