i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
