I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
