Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
