You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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