I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
