holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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