When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
